


reaching out

by Jace_Diaz_Of_Hell



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, i would literally die for hoss, mentions of torture, my friend has amazing ocs part ???, vague allusions to cults, we love bonding in this house!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:22:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28566144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jace_Diaz_Of_Hell/pseuds/Jace_Diaz_Of_Hell
Summary: Just when Nebula feels totally alone, support comes from an unexpected person.
Relationships: Aaza & Hoss, Nebula & Aaza, Nebula & Hoss





	reaching out

**Author's Note:**

  * For [InfernalPume](https://archiveofourown.org/users/InfernalPume/gifts).



Hoss is more determined than ever to bring Nebula on more outings, it seems. 

Nebula appreciates the fact that her bandmate wants to spend time with her.  _ Really,  _ she does. Friends were hard to come by in the family- she had had Ameri and Casey, but no one else knew her. Now she  _ couldn’t  _ talk to Ameri if she wanted to listen to her manager, and Casey-

_ (Her cousins eyes, looking bewildered and lost to see her in the bright room that held such dark memories for her. Screaming for help. The pipe swinging down, her leg crumpling under her as bones burst, the blaster held to the back of her head and the last thing she ever saw would be -) _

She bit back a whimper, curling her arms tighter around her knees and burrowing down into the bed slightly.

… Anyways, she hadn’t really grown up with friends. So she appreciated the fact that Hoss considered her more of a friend and not just a… bandmate, co-worker, whatever. 

But she didn’t have the energy to get out of her bed some days, and this day was no different. There was no recordings to do. No events to plan. Nothing to stop Nebula from the horrible memories that wanted to play in her head, on a loop.

Nothing except for Hoss’ gentle knocking on the door, her voice inviting Nebula out for a smoothie. 

Eventually Nebula managed to work up enough of a voice to say, her voice scratching as she spoke, “Not today. Sorry.”

There was a long pause.

“It’s okay!” Her bandmate’s voice came back, some undercurrent Nebula couldn’t quite identify running through her voice. “Maybe later.”

Footsteps faded away. Nebula continued to hold on to her knees, just breathing in and out, slowly and deeply. As if breathing like that would make it so she were less afraid.

(If only it worked like that.)

* * *

A few days pass before Hoss tries again. They’re having one of their usual nights where they sit together and brainstorm things- possible choreography, new songs, and little things like what outfits to wear when. 

Aaza gets up and excuses herself when things start to slow down, and it’s just Nebula and Hoss in the shared living space. Nebula fiddles with the brace on her leg, making sure the straps are all adjusted so its not too tight and not too loose. They have an event tomorrow- she doesn’t want her leg giving out halfway through.

She thinks she’s getting stronger. The muscles in the leg are building back up- soon she won’t need the brace anymore. Probably. Hopefully. 

She’s glad that it hasn’t stopped her from being able to dance- she doesn’t know  _ what  _ she would do if she had to give that up. She’s been dancing her whole life- from being three and tiny and dancing on her dad’s feet till now, up on a stage with people screaming her name. 

But she’s tired of the fact that it  _ is  _ taking so long to get her body to heal. Every time she straps on the brace, she remembers the feeling of the bone breaking all over again, and it puts a damper on her mood entirely. 

Hoss seems to notice Nebula’s answers suddenly aren’t as enthusiastic, and Nebula hears the pencil stop scratching on the paper. When she looks up, Hoss is offering her a sweet smile. 

“Do you want to take a break?” She asks, gently. “We can go out and get dinner or something, if that sounds good.”

Nebula thinks about it and almost, almost says yes. She knows logically it’s not good to isolate herself, but… Hoss is such a bubbly person. Even though she’s outright offering to be there for Nebula, Nebula doesn’t feel like she should burden the other girl. 

“... No thanks.” She says finally. “I think I’m just going to turn in.”

Hoss’ face falls and that hurts, but Nebula forces herself not to change her mind. 

“Okay.” Hoss says, finally. “Rain check?”

“Rain check.” Nebula confirms.

* * *

Eventually, Aaza gets sick of this odd little dance around Nebula finds herself caught in and comes to confront her. Like always, she doesn’t especially beat around the bush. It’s something Nebula both appreciates and hates, because some days she doesn’t want to talk about things and would really rather play dumb. 

“So,” She says, leaning over the back of the couch, where Nebula is idly doodling in the margins of her notebook, “whats your deal lately? Normally you don’t turn down free food.”

Nebula purses her lips and lays down the pen, closing the notebook. 

“Hoss wants to help me.” She says, hoping that she won’t have to elaborate. Aaza raises one eyebrow, though, and Nebula finds herself continuing on anyways. “I’m… not doing that well lately. I’d rather not bother her- she’d just end up upset.”

Aaza scoffs and moves around the couch to sit, and Nebula pulls her legs up and under her to accommodate her. 

“I admire your stoicism,” She says, her tone sarcastic, “but maybe start using your brain. I know you have some in that head of yours.”

At Nebula’s baffled look, Aaza rolls her eyes.

“Just think about it.” She continues, “Hoss  _ isn’t  _ the most observant one, but she doesn’t get involved in issues she can’t help. And she’s not stupid- she knows more than she lets on. Give her a chance.”

“You think so?” Nebula asks. 

Aaza stares her down, and Nebula feels a genuine smile bubble onto her face for the first time in days. 

“I know so.” Aaza says. “Just give her a shot. You won’t regret it.”

“We’ll see.” Nebula answers, and Aaza nods slightly. 

* * *

As luck would have it, the very next day is the next time Hoss invites her out. Nebula is just hanging out in the main room, doing nothing in particular at the time, when Hoss pops her head in the door, her expression more hesitant than anything else.

“Hey,” She says. “I heard about this new spa downtown, it just opened last week and I’ve been  _ dying  _ for some pampering. Would you want to tag along?”

_ Give it a shot,  _ Nebula thinks, and then nods.

“Sure. We could make a day of it.” She says, and its  _ almost  _ worth it to see the smile on her bandmate’s face. 

Almost doesn’t stop the anxiety twisting in Nebula’s gut at the fact that she’ll have to actually  _ talk  _ about it, though. 

* * *

When Hoss broaches the topic, she is gentle about it. She makes sure that they’re alone in the room first, and only after they’re partway through their treatment so Nebula isn’t wound up as tensely as she has been. 

“I don’t know exactly what you went through,” Hoss says, her voice soft. “But I know that it was really hard, and whatever happened- someone you trusted did it.”

Hoss isn’t asking for information. Nebula swallows, her heart racing in her chest, and answers anyways. She’s never outright  _ said  _ this before- Aaza figured out some of it on her own and hasn’t pried for the rest. Their manager just  _ knew,  _ somehow.

“He was my Uncle.” Nebula says, talking past the lump in her throat. She’s good at that- good at pretending that she’s okay. “He just… he was pissed because I wanted to… I didn’t want to do what my family was. I wanted to be something different, you know?”

She glanced over for a moment and was surprised to find that Hoss looked like she  _ understood  _ it. But the Xymas didn’t say a word, so Nebula continued, blinking rapidly.

“He… he fucking tortured me.” She spits out. “He tortured me, and he broke my leg so bad I  _ still  _ have to use a brace, and he wanted me dead.”

None of her tricks are working- the tears are starting to fall. When she talks, Nebula is amazed to find that she’s still somewhat understandable.

“I trusted him,” She says, the words cracking on a sob. “He was my  _ uncle,  _ and I loved him and trusted him. I would’ve done anything for him, and- and he did  _ that. _ It’s just…”

“Just?” Hoss prompts, her voice more gentle than Nebula’s ever heard it. 

“How am I supposed to trust  _ anyone,  _ ever again, after that?” She whispers.

She looks down into her lap again, trying to piece herself together one fragile part at a time. Trying to bring back that calmly composed exterior. A moment later, Hoss gently lays her hand on top of Nebula’s, her face soft. 

“When I was a little girl, I belonged to what I thought was a church.” She said quietly. “They did… horrible things. And even though I was scared, I went along with them, because it was all I knew. I thought it was right, and I just didn’t believe enough. I thought my fear was my fault.”

Nebula stays silent, but she never moves her eyes off of Hoss. 

“I went through some awful punishments, and I’m not really ready to talk about it all just yet.” She says. “But… I got away. And it was  _ really  _ hard, finding out that everything that had been done to me wasn’t my fault. That it was  _ wrong.  _ I didn’t trust  _ anyone,  _ and I poured my time into making sure no one found out about me- about how messed up I felt on the inside. And… it’s still hard. I’m still not sure if there’s anyone I trust.”

Nebula nods slightly, bringing one hand up to wipe the tears off of her face. Hoss scans over her expression, and smiles softly.

“But… I wanna learn.” Hoss continues, and Nebula can relate to that, she  _ feels  _ it in her bones. “I want to get to the point where I trust people. So I’m taking it one step at a time- and you’re  _ not  _ alone, okay? You don’t have to learn to trust people alone. We’re  _ song sisters.  _ I’ve got your back when you need it.”

Nebula swallows, the lump in her throat both easing and constricting for different reasons. 

She really  _ hadn’t  _ known Hoss until now. But Hoss figured her out, and talked with her, and  _ knew  _ what it was like. 

For the first time in  _ months,  _ Nebula didn’t feel so alone. 

And maybe Hoss was right. Maybe, just maybe, she could learn to trust again. One step at a time. 

Starting right now, with a gentle squeeze of Hoss’ hand and a grateful whisper to her before the attendants returned.


End file.
